Fortune Cookies

So, despite my good looks and charm, I didn't really date in high school.  There were, however, many a boy that caught my eye.  One of whom was Mr. Bennett McKenzie.  He was smart and quiet and the president of Student Outreach for Christ.  He was also the apple of most girls in my IB class' eye.  A few of us were telling my mom of the wonder of Bennett one day, and she decided that I needed to go out with him.  She had also recently discovered that she could get the fortunes out of fortune cookies and replace them with her own fortunes.  It was decided that this would be our mode of informing Bennett that he should ask me out.  My whole family helped to create fortunes such as, "I've seen you walking in the hall, how about giving me a call?" (Yes, they rhymed.  Everything my family does has to rhyme for some reason.)  They all had my name and phone number on them.  I just thought it was a really funny joke and went to school the next day not thinking anything of it.  When my mom saw me that afternoon she said, "Did you see Bennett today?"  I was like, "Yeah, I saw him in class, why?"  Madre, "Did he say anything to you?"  Myself, "No...Why?"  Madre, who was friends with the front office lady at my school, brought the fortune cookies we made to the office during school that day and got Mrs. Robertson to call Bennett to the office to open his cookies.  She said that he turned bright red, said nothing, and walked away.  Madre!  I can't say that I was surprised that she actually delivered them, but I was anxious to know how he would respond.  Later that night, I got the call.  "Abby, this is Bennett."  "Hey Bennett, how are you?"  "Good.  So, I got your fortune cookies today."  "Oh, yeah, my mom thought it would be funny to make those."  "Well, I am really flattered, but I don't think my girlfriend would like it very much if we went on a date."  "Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like that. I'm sorry, I didn't know you had a girlfriend."  "Like I said, I'm really flattered."  "That's totally ok, I'll see you in class tomorrow."  So, turns out, Bennett had a girlfriend from summer camp that he had been dating for a few years.  She was from Virginia, so not many people knew about her.  Thank you Madre.  At least we tried.  There is more to this story that I will share in a subsequent post...

Weather Wonderland

Sorry, I have been really busy with school, but the lecturer that is now trying to tell me about loop diuretics is boring me to death.  So, here I am.  He looks like Steve Martin, and therefore, should be funny, but he is not.  It makes me sad and disappointed.  Our area has really been struck by some historic weather anomalies recently that everyone is pulling together to power through.  Tyler told me the other day that the Mississippi River is (Steve Martin just told a joke that he said made him laugh, it was not funny, it was about potassium) flooding so much that it is starting to flow backward.  I am not sure if this is scientifically possible or accurate, but I have a suggestion to offer.  All of the Cajuns need to report to duty in their fan boat things at the mouth of the Mississippi down in Louisiana.  All of the fans should be hooked together and placed in the water.  They should turn the fans on backwards and suck the river into the Gulf of Mexico.  Thus, restoring the correct directional flow and decreasing the water levels in areas along the river.  I shared this with someone who was quiet dubious of my idea, but just because an idea is simple does not mean it is not a valuable suggestion.  The first person that wanted to start a restaurant was probably told, "People aren't going to pay you to eat your food."  But the people paid and the fans would suck water if they were given a chance.  Magnesium, lumen voltage, blah, blah, blah

Doogie Howser

I have always had big plans for my life.  When I was eight, I read about Oxford University in England and decided that I would go to college there.  I told one of my parents' friends that, and they were like, "Oh, Mississippi.  That's a great school."  I was insulted, but instead of correcting him, I just smiled and nodded.  One of my biggest inspirations as a child, was Doogie Howser, M.D.  Sixteen and a doctor, what a hunk.  I knew that 16 was a stretch, but I came up with a plan to get it done in only a few more years than that.  I would skip 4th, 6th, and 8th grades; go to 2 years of high school; finish college in 2 years; and then do 4 years of med school.  This would put me graduating from medical school at the age of 19.  Not quite as good as Douglas, but much more realistic.  When I got to skip the 4th grade, I thought I was on my way, but then the man got in my way.  I came to realize that you are not allowed to learn at your own pace in school or elect to cut out topics that are of no significance to your interests.  Despite all of my hard work, they held me down.  As the years have passed, I have come to see the value in taking your time in life (even though I still would have liked to skip some of that dumb stuff they made me learn, ie. whisker plots).  I think that if Doogie were still Doogie and not Barney Stinson, he would say to young me, "I may be the youngest doctor of all time, but I do not have as many friends or experiences as I could have had if I had a normal childhood."

I like your shoes, I like your shirt, I like your face

Compliments make me uncomfortable.  It is nice to be appreciated, and I like to know that people care about me.  But what do you say in return.  "Your shoes are so cool."  "Thanks they're my favorites."  I'm not big on giving compliments just because you get a compliment.  If I do not like the shirt you are wearing, I will not tell you I like it.  If I do like it, I will tell you.  Just because you tell me you like my shirt, I am not immediately obligated to like yours in return.  If I do like it, again I will tell you.  I do not tell people that there clothes are ugly, unless you are my mother or my boyfriend (sometimes they need guidance) or unless you specifically ask me what I think about it.  I just go by, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."  Also, sometimes when people give me a compliment about something I've done, like getting into school or making a cool cake, I want to acknowledge the fact that the Lord is my source and my strength, but it always sounds disingenuous.  "We are so proud of you for getting into UAB."  "Well, I work hard, but the Lord has really blessed me.  He is definitely the reason I am here."  "Oh I know you've done a great job."  I want to say, "Please, allow me to be humble and attempt to give God the glory for the amazing things he has done for me.  Do not keep complimenting me after I just told you it was not me who did it!"  Anyways, just know that if you compliment me, I am genuinely thankful even if my response is awkward, and that if I compliment you, I really mean it.

We Deliver

At dear old Dean Road School, there were many organizations you could join.  It always made me mad that you had to be in fourth grade to join almost all of the clubs.  I told the teachers and my mom, "Just because I am a first grader doesn't mean I am any less important or responsible than the older kids."  Then I discovered We Deliver. This was where kids at school could mail letters to their friends in other classes.  Each class had a mailbox, and the mail would be picked up every afternoon and delivered the next morning.  They would let second graders be mail carriers. I was so excited and determined to be the best mail girl they had ever had.  I was so dedicated that the next year, in third grade, I ran for Post Master General and was selected. Yay. I was really looking forward to progressing the next year to be in the Safety Patrol which was only for fifth graders.  I tried to explain to the Safety Patrol lady that I would be in fifth grade next year, but she would not believe me because I was only in third grade.  I told her I was skipping fourth grade, but she would not listen.  I was so mad at her for not believing me that I refused to have the principal call and tell her that I was telling the truth.  Instead, I remained the Post Master General and ran the best We Deliver in the history of Dean Road Elementary School.  That'll show those teachers not to trust me.

Ants

I hate ants.  They are sneaky and scary.  When I was in 3rd grade, I was at a spend the night birthday party playing capture the flag.  I am much more stealthy than I seem, and pride myself on my capture the flag skills.  In order to infiltrate enemy territory unseen, I found it necessary to crawl on my belly across a ridge.  Not on my hands and knees, this would leave me exposed.  You have to sacrifice to be a winner.  As I was nearing cover I noticed something biting me.  I had crawled straight through a giant ant bed.  The stealth was lost.  I jumped up and ran inside to the shower.  Without taking my clothes off, I turned the water on full blast and shook around until they were all off of me.  I did not want to tell my friends parents, because I knew they would call my mom, and I might have to go home.  So my friend's big sister covered me in calamine lotion, and I continued to party all night long.  Since that day, ants have made me very nervous.  They are especially unnerving when they scatter or are found singly or in small groups.  A big group of ants in a line shows you where they are coming from, where they are going, and how many of them there are, so that you can target your attack against them.  If they scatter, you have no idea where they are going to end up, and if there are only a few of them you are always wondering when there will be more and how many friends they have.  It is scary, and I do not like them.  Just thinking about this makes me itchy.

Friends before Food

I can be unreasonably logical.  Sometimes, putting too much thought into things gets in my way.  Last night some friends were going to BOGO slice night at a pizza place here.  I wanted to go, but I was very torn.  I have a ton of food at my house that I need to eat before I go home for Easter.  I also don't like to spend money, even though my total bill on BOGO night is always under $5.  And, I intended to work on my paper last night that I am suppose to have done by today.  Some may say, "You have to eat anyway.  Why don't you just go?"  But when I eat at my house it takes me 30min, where as going out with my friends ends up taking about 2.5hrs of my evening.  I want to be fun and hang out with my friends, but all of the info presented here would result in the decision to stay home.  Can you feel the tension inside me? So, I called Tyler which is what I do when I can't make a decision.  Before I called him, I knew what he would say.  He would tell me to go and say that time with friends trumps all of my reasoning.  But I called, and he told me to go.  I started to explain all of my reasoning and only got to the amount of food in my fridge at home when he started to yell into the phone, "Friends Before Food, Friends Before Food, friend!  You go, Friends Before Food!"  So, I went.  It was fun, and now I have to write my paper.