Gadsden Dating 101

     This is an instructional post on the proper way to take the one you love on a date in Gadsden, AL.
     The boy must first meet the girl of his dreams while "chillin'" with his buddies in the Subway parking lot.  Once the match has been made, the date must be set.  Saturday is the most conventional date day due to the First Friday Street Fair which commonly conflicts with Friday evening plans.  In preparation for the date, the boy must throw away all of the old papers and Dr. Pepper bottles that have accumulated in the passenger floor board of his pick-up.  He must then wipe the crumbs collecting in the seat out the door with his hand.  The girl must call all of her friends to make sure that everyone knows who she is going on a date with Saturday night so that her friends can then pass this crucial information on to the rest of their friends and acquaintances.
     There is a very strict dress code for a Saturday night on the town in Gadsden.  The boy must wear jeans that he purchased already having rips and or holes as well as a well worn or faded appearance.  His shirt must be a polo, preferably from aeropostle, and the ensemble is completed with a pair of flip flops and a prescribed amount of hair product.  The girl should wear a jean skirt that appears to be tattered around the edges with some sort of camisole that is brightly colored and well fitted.  It is typical that she also wear flip flops.
     After picking up his date, the boy will drive to the fanciest restaurant in town, The Red Lobster.  In exchange for his name and smoking preference, the hostess will bestow a table indicator device on the couple.  They will then proceed to the waiting area bar that is well stocked and ready to please where she will order the Fruitastic drink of the day and he will "just have" a Budweiser.  After enjoying a basket of Cheddar Bay Biscuits, Iceburg Salad with Ranch Dressing, and a Lobster Fest entree, they will ponder dessert but only ask for the check. 
     Following dinner the date must continue to the Premiere Cinema 16 located inside the Gadsden Mall, "It's where to shop.", between the Sears and Belk.  Although it is unacceptable to put down the armrest between the daters, at least one of the outside armrest must be used to hold the Coke Icee they share.
     The evening ends as the boy drops the girl off at her house.  The boy can be assured a kiss:  if the girl had a good time, she will want him to ask her out again, and if she did not, she will feel sorry for him and not want him to be sad, so he will receive a pity kiss.  These kisses with conflicting meanings can lead to uncertainty and confusion on the part of the boy.  However, he can soon clear up any doubt by asking his friends if she had a good time, because the girl will have told her friends about the date in its entirety who will, in turn, tell the boy's friends everything she has said.